Monday, February 16, 2009

if there was ever a time that i was getting my butt kicked, it was nothing compared to 2009.

we are six weeks into the new year, and i'm fried. physically, i can't find enough time in the day. emotionally, i can't divide myself into more pieces. the work-life balance is not so balanced. i'm feeling a lot of sadness because work pulls me away from eric and the boys a lot these days. i knew going to work at this organization that it would ask a lot of me, but we were prepared for that. with two kids, it wasn't asking too much. with three, it's a stretch (and it's hard!). with four...i don't know, man...

things are different. i would love to be that person that could do it all - have a great, challenging career that i love, have a great marriage, and raise four young children. but i'm realizing that you can't have it all - at least not with one or two of those things dropping. not as a woman, and not in my line of work. and i'm okay with that. i can't be that mom that misses huge chunks of her babies growing up because other people at/through work - people not as important to her as her own family - came first. i also can't be that wife that keeps asking her husband to cover for her part of the child rearing and is too exhausted to hang out or even have grown up conversations that don't revolve around child care.

if anyone ever figures out how to have it all, let me know.

one day, i will be able to leave work promptly at 5 p.m. (or earlier!) and not feel bad about leaving things unfinished. one day, i will work within 10 miles of my house. one day, i will be exhausted only because i spent the day running around the park with the boys. one day....soon?