Wednesday, April 14, 2010

a year ago i was getting ready to staff my very last relay. i was constantly anxious and stressed about work and i just couldn't shake it off. it's such a good cause, but, man, the work just beats you down. it was like a dark cloud looming around my shoulders, engulfing my head and not letting me out. my poor family never got all of me when i was with them. i'd be home, but my head would be consumed with the latest work drama kicking my ass.

needless to say, i don't miss work. (g, you were right!) i miss the people, but i don't miss the work. i miss talking to adults every day, but i don't miss it more than i love being home with my boys. i remember when isaiah was born and getting so upset at the thought of missing any of his "firsts." what if he said his first word when i wasn't there? what if he laughed and i missed it? what if he crawled for the first time and i couldn't cheer for him? of course, working full time makes you miss a lot in your babies' lives. i missed isaiah's very first day of school because i was out of town at a conference. he only goes to school for the first time once! - and i missed it. guilty was something i felt a lot and never got used to.

but not anymore...it is a HUGE blessing that i get to be home with my boys and that - finally - they get all of me. i feel so lucky that i get to drop off isaiah and ethan at school and attend their class parties. i have time and energy to play with them at the park and help them with their homework. i'm thrilled that i get to make dinner (almost) every night and have a clean house waiting for eric when he comes home. life has sloooooowed down, and i cherish it. it's definitely not easier...cutting out one income has forced us to simplify and be humble. the fruits of that struggle have been that we see our priorities as they should be and *really* put our trust in God to provide for us. (and he always does!) as rewarding as my last job was, it pales in comparison to being able to give my boys the love and security that they need from me that i wasn't giving them before.

the last nine months have gone by fast. i'm ridiculously in love with my family and will never regret the decision to quit work and stay home.