seven years and one night ago, my sister and i sat at my dad's bedside really late at night, unknowingly watching my dad fight through his last breaths. it was scary. we were crying and crying and didn't know what to do. i didn't consider God to be a great ally at the time, but all we could think of to do was to pray. so we did. "Our Father, who art in heaven...." it's amazing how comforting prayer is, no matter how small your faith.

i remember being woken up before 7am the next morning by my mom. "you guys? ryan?...come down. i think...he's not breathing..." he was gone. our relatives came. i was numb. i was supposed to go to the smokin' grooves concert that night. the first thing i did was wake up my friend up at 7:30am to tell him i couldn't go anymore. i don't know why that was the first thing i thought of. people came and took my daddy away. it was 11 days before my 18th birthday.

the thing that strikes me most about the memory of that day is that my mom specifically called for my brother. see....he's getting married in a couple weeks, and he's gonna be an uncle very soon here...and over the last seven years he's been a rock for my mom and me and my sister. he's dependable. if something goes wrong, i can call him, he'll show up, and i'll feel better. 'ryan's coming, everything will be okay.' he has been strength in our family that goes without saying...and no doubt it has been hard for him, and yet he does it. he so quickly took over the things my daddy would do that we didn't even notice that he did it. again, he's a rock. and it's time for him to put us second. he'll be a rock for lorie in their marriage. she's a lucky lady to have found the someone who will love her and support her forever in my brother. God has blessed them with that love for each other, and i'm thankful that He brought them together. that's really what that comes down to...

seven years after that night my sister and i cried and prayed together, i cried with my brother. i can't remember the last time i cried with him. it's like we never saw any tears because he was being strong for us. but we can be strong for you, ny. we'll be strong together. you're the best big brother and i love you.